It seems befitting that my inaugural Blog post should be about my Heart Shaped Story and how it came to be. I’ve always held a fascination and awe with words, legends, lore, tales and stories and how they stitch together the tapestry of our lives. My favorite kind of story is the classic heroes’ journey; of strife and struggle, the overcoming of the seemingly impossible, the gorgeous glory in the rising, the lessons learned and the Golden Prize in hand. Perhaps I’m drawn to those Warrior tales because in some way, I feel they parallel my own. I have a feeling that’s true for many of us.
Quite simply, my Heart Shaped Story began, the moment I decided I was ready to change my old stories, edit the script, and write a new chapter; titled LOVE.
My deep-rooted sense of not enough-ness was a familiar shadow that had lurked in the corners of my life since childhood. My marriage, career, home, even bank account; all reflected the relationship I had with myself; what I felt I was worthy of, and the revolving door of disappointment that comes from choosing to live small, safe, and settling, had boxed me into a life of fear and suffering that I very much wanted to overcome and arise victorious from.
I longed to relcaim the parts of me I’d dishonored, compromised, given away, and left behind. And I wanted to fall in LOVE with the parts of me I was yet to become. “What you are seeking is seeking you” a line by that wise fellow; Rumi, had been tugging at my heart, roaring in my ears, and calling me to come home to myself for too long. I was so certain that my purpose in life was to be of service, but not as a servant. I yearned to live my dreams, not spend my days building the dreams of others. To speak my silence about important things, to no longer duct tape my truths. Intuitively, I knew that the brand of LOVE I was seeking was not to be found in things, situations or people outside of me, but had always been within me. The elusive puzzle piece that completed the whole picture of me; was the very reason I was still seeking. But in the very moment I chose to set a place at the table of LOVE and serve myself, everything shifted.
My redefined relationship with LOVE and fear found me saying “no thank you” to the constant demands of others and “yes please” to my own wants, dreams, and passions. I began to do less, so I could be more. More present, mindful, joyful, and connected to myself and to those that mattered most. I began to fall in LOVE with the woman of my dreams I was becoming. And the beauty of my choices mirrored back the reality of the permission I'd given myself to blaze a self-honoring trail of LOVE, compassion, positivity, truth, and gratitude. These days, my life is still a direct reflection of the relationship I have with myself, with what I feel I’m worthy of. Yet as I look around, I find I’m in the company of gorgeous Love Warriors, lessons learned, a heart laden with golden treasure and LOVE.
I’ve learned that we are the authors of our own lives. Every step, shift, kiss, loss, leap, is ink that fill the pages that bring us to the present place we find ourselves. And, at any given moment, we can erase, edit or rewrite the script. How we want to feel, think and act are the choices that become our stories. I choose to seek and dwell in the light of LOVE, not because I’m in denial or immune to the shadows of fear and suffering, but because it’s simply who I choose to be.
Today, in this moment, in this life, I choose to make my story, Heart Shaped. I choose to live a life I LOVE.
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