"Light as an Ostrich Feather" - traveling softly over difficult terrain

Image Credit: Ellen Lorenzi-Prince’s (Dark Goddess Tarot)

I recently reread a wonderful book by author Rachel Pollock called “A walk through the Forest of Souls” and was reminded of a favorite chapter titled “Opening the Heart”, in which Rachel draws upon a story and a painting set in Egypt in approximately 1300 BCE, that centers the scene of a human heart being weighed on a set of scales.

In the tale, the goddess Ma’at (who personifies the values of Truth, Justice, Balance, Cosmic/Universal Order and Harmony) weighs the heart of those departing the earthly realm against the weight of a single ostrich feather. Another figure in the scene is a creature with the head of a crocodile, the hindquarters of a hippopotamus and the body of a lion. This creature, who bore the name Ammut occupied a special place in Egyptian beliefs about the afterlife and is depicted in the painting with his snout pointing directly to the heart chakra. For it was the intelligence of the heart that the Egyptians revered as greater than that of the mind.

In the final assessment of how a person has lived their life - if the heart does not weigh down the scales, the gods dress the person in divine robes and leads them onto new life. But if the scales are tipped even by the slightest of amounts, then the person becomes a meal for Ammut.

The first time I read this story was at a time when my own heart was feeling particularly flat and burdened. I was on a 3-day silent retreat and I remember thinking that the opportunity to consider what opens the heart, what closes it, what lightens it and what weighs it down felt like a much needed enquiry and timely gift.

Those contemplations occupied much of my retreat and I came away with a journal full of field study drawn from my own experiences, and what I saw in the world, that ultimately distilled into a list of how I wanted to live and then more importantly, how I did not.

Of course, a list remains just a list, without the willingness to do “the work” but I’d gone away to find important answers to important questions and had gotten exactly that. And so, I used the list like a mirror and a roadmap for empowering my inner peace, true nature and happiness.

For example – if I was feeling particularly overwhelmed or stressed, I’d write down all the ways in which I was creating stress for myself (running late, not allowing enough time to be on-time/prepared, or saying “yes” when I meant “no” etc.) Then I’d make a simple, but different choice such as consistently leaving to arrive 5 minutes early instead of 5 minutes late. Or I might spend 10 minutes a day unpacking my fear of saying “no” into a journal until I landed on truth. The bigger challenges (aka blind spots or trauma) were helped along with the flashlight of therapy, but once you realize you are the bearer of the keys to your very own locks, it can be radically motivating to gain new sight around where you can set yourself free.

“What to love … next and next and next?”

Over the years, the intention of keeping the heart open and the practice of traveling softly over difficult terrain has grown and evolved, but the reminder to keep the heart “as light as an ostrich feather” has remained a constant that has had a profound and transformative effect on my life. It’s most definitely a lifetime practice and process (never ever a perfect). But ultimately you get one heart per life to take you through the whole adventure. On that retreat, I decided I was ready to be forever devoted to mine and to have the very best experience of myself possible - and I think you deserve that too.

Besides … I don’t ever wish for the result of my disharmony to become a meal for Ammut.

Here are a few excerpts from those original journal pages that would mark the beginning of a new chapter and a new way for me. I share them with you as with all things, in the hopes that they may be of help, as reading that story at that time, those many years ago, was of a great help to me.

What Opens the Heart?

Kindness

Empathy

Generosity

Gratitude

Compassion

Seeing Life as a Gift

What Closes the Heart?

Harm

Fear

Divisiveness/Separation

What adds Weight to the Heart?

Managing, Fixing, Worrying or Carrying

anything that is not mine, not true for me, not love or loving

Complaining without action|Gossip

Self-doubt, Self-denial, Self-abandonment

Stress

Apathy

Focusing on what is wrong

Rigidity, Conformity

Separateness | Disconnection | Isolation

Settling | Complacency

Tolerating BS

Discontent | Dissatisfaction | Disappointment | Disharmony manifests as Disease

Resentment

Unresolved Anger

Arrested Grief

Hypervigilance

Regret

The Habit Life

What Lightens/Frees the Heart?

Letting go of – the “story”, the need to be right, perfectionism, victim mindset, judgement, negative self-talk, limited thinking, criticism, shame, guilt

Prioritizing your Joy

Nature

Creative Expression

Boundaries – saying “no thank you” and remembering “not mine, not mine, not mine”

Travel

Art and The Arts

Remembering that you are never above or below anyone

Focusing on what is right here, what is good and what is possible

Looking for, noticing and being in awe of all sources of beauty

Trust

Truth

What Heals the Heart?

Non-Harming

Self-Reflection = Self-Discovery = Self Awareness + Choice = Change

Acceptance

Forgiveness Forgiveness Forgiveness

Getting Help

Radical Honesty

Befriending the Self

Joy

Breaking Patterns

Seeing yourself as Sacred

Rewriting the Story

Loving Yourself No Matter What

Connection | Care | Community

Doing your Best

Being of Service